Thursday, August 26, 2004
The one time I ever got really, really drunk was for my 20th birthday while I was in London. I didn't actually intend to get drunk, but people kept buying me drinks and, well, I just wasn't very good at saying no. In any case, I remember thinking when I walked in that there were a fair number of very pretty girls, and also a very large contingent of, well, "not-so-pretty" girls. After about 17 drinks (I somehow remembered everything I'd had and calculated that it was about 17) in three hours, I looked around and it occurred to me that every single girl in the bar was very attractive. I thought that the odds of all the ugly girls having suddenly disappeared were fairly remote, and that it furthermore occurred to me that several of the girls I'd noticed as being especially bad-looking somehow seemed awfully pretty at present. It was at that point that I decided that I'd had way too much to drink, and that it was time to leave (alone! at all costs!).
Well, I had a somewhat similar experience upon returning to campus. Shockingly, nearly every girl I saw looked, well, great (no, I hadn't been drinking). This has been, to say the least, disconcerting. You see, I've had a fairly decent set-up going in my mind for a long while, and I thought it was working fairly well. Basically, there'd be some extremely pretty girls I'd see, some who were, well, not, and plenty in-between (though, when I think about it, my female friends trend towards the "pretty" side of the spectrum; maybe they ate their vegetables and drank their milk as children). In other words, things were about as you might expect them to be. In return, I generally gave myself a "B" in looks, considering myself slightly above average but no all-star. This was safe and comfortable, and I have to admit that it was good having that. But now, that's changed. I'd sit down in a class, and I'd end up talking with some very nice and pretty girl next to me. My head is seriously being messed-with. I mean, I still give myself a solid "B," but I no longer have the comfort that I had before. Maybe it's because I attended several weddings this summer of people about my age. It's not really a feeling of "man, I'd love to date her...and her...and her...and..." but rather one of "okay, this is starting to freak me out big-time."
So I don't know what to do. One thought is to bury my head in a pillow for most of the day and only come out at night, kind of like Dracula, but without the blood-sucking (and you can keep all the jokes about being the son of two lawyers to yourselves, thankyouverymuch). Another option is to go make a fool of myself, which I don't think I'll do, either. I'm thinking that the best option is to wait, get the subject of Girls out of my head entirely for a little bit, and once I return to my senses, see what I see. Sheesh!
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Let it be known that JH makes some darn fine chicken dinners. I promised him that I'd publicize the fact, and now I have.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
It can get pretty lonely sometimes. During my Freshman year, there were only two of us in the horn section who didn't drink, and the other guy never attended any of the events. Things have improved tremendously since then, with nearly a third of the section not drinking, but one incident did give me pause. I was looking at two of the girls, both of whom were pretty well plastered, and I realized that one was involved with Campus Crusade and the other girl came from one of the four strongly orthodox Episcopal churches up in Northern Virginia. I see things like this a lot; many (most?) of the people in my high school FCA threw wild parties, while I've heard plenty of stories about how some of the campus ministry groups will get drunk during their Spring Break missions/service trips. I mean, come on! I'm not a teetotaller by any means, but I won't drink around people who shouldn't be drinking. I'm just rambling now, but it's just frustrating when, as often happens, the people whom you think are your allies don't come through when you'd hoped they would.
Saturday, August 21, 2004
And it was a good try while it lasted...
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
He's right. How many of us really want to win at all costs? I'd rather see my team lose while putting forth 100% than win while giving 99%. What's exciting is seeing a team play as though there's literally tomorrow and give every single ounce of what they've got to win (with, of course, an exemption for providing mercy when trouncing another team). Tech's football team wasn't all that impressive last year because, for whatever reason, they seemed to be sleepwalking through the plays at times. Meanwhile, our basketball team, which had finished dead last in the Big East every year we competed, played with everything to earn a spot in the Big East tournament for the first time and even advanced to the second round. There were two games where a last second shot led to a one-point victory for our team. Meanwhile, back in football, most people with whom I've spoken would rather have had Bryan Randall as our starting QB than Marcus Vick, because Randall seems to be a classy guy (and a believer, too) who is willing to play second-fiddle, while Vick seems like an overhyped guy hanging on the coat-tails of his older brother.
Does anyone even care about Olympic basketball in the United States? We sort-of care about hockey there, but not really. I like soccer, but in the Olympics it's not the same as in the World Cup (in my view, the best sporting event out there). If we put in amateurs for basketball, no one would care if we lost, and there would likely be a huge wave of enthusiasm if they won. On the other hand...let's be honest: many, perhaps most, of the athletes only nominally have jobs, and spend their time training. That strikes me as being an unpaid professional, rather than being an amateur. I'd better go to bed now, because otherwise I'm going to end up writing that I think that about 95-99% of the Olympics is just boring stuff no one really cares about, and we don't want me writing that, now do we?
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
A friend told me today that she missed my postings, and thought that I'd quit, seeing as I've hardly posted lately. Well, mostly it was just a combination of being busy and having mental fatigue (yes, I know, it doesn't take much). Luckily, I've been thinking about some things lately, and we all know what that means! That's right,
I got back to Tech on Saturday, went to house church on Sunday, and have been helping a friend build his house yesterday and today. This afternoon, my friend RM (not to be confused with the former RMc, who is now RR), having a break from duties setting up as a resident advisor, also came and helped out, which was very, well, helpful. Tomorrow we start band camp, which lasts through Sunday. For the first time in about ten years, we've got more people auditioning for the horn section than we have open spots, which means that we're going to have to cut people. The three Rank Captains and I are a little uneasy about this, but I suppose it was inevitable that this would happen one day. Everyone, whether a new Freshman or a Super-Senior (except the three Rank Captains and me as Section Leader), is going to be fair game, and so there should be a lot more effort this year than in previous ones.
One thing that's bothered me in the past is that I don't feel as though I got a proper chance to be, well, "bad" before becoming a Christian. I don't know how common a complaint this is, but I looked at people who did all sorts of wild and irresponsible things and then converted with almost a little bit of envy. I mean, people like St. Paul and St. Augustine were powerful or wildly irresponsible for a time, and then settled down and became fathers of the Church. Of course, I know that this thinking is foolish, as everyone I've met who's lived that kind of life has talked about how much they regretted what they'd done. They regretted not waiting until they were married to have sex, they regretted doing drugs, they regretted wasting years on petty things rather than what really matters, and so on. There are things which I've done, such as the way I've treated people in the past, which I regret and wish I could go back and fix. In any case, I bring this up because last night, I was really thinking about all this, and went to bed slightly cross with God over the whole thing. I wasn't actually angry, as I know that one day I'll look back and consider myself to have been a fool for wasting time on a pity party, but I was more miffed that the things which I wanted for myself and which I thought were the sort of things that one could ask of God and expect to receive hadn't yet been, well, received. The odd thing was that I had a dream last night, and as it was the last one before I woke up, I still remember vague bits of it. All sorts of the blessings I'd been wanting had been given to me. I don't remember many of the details, but I do remember that there was a very pretty, Christian girl more-or-less hanging on my arm (no, not literally!). In the few instants before I woke up, I had a "Once in a Lifetime" by Talking Heads moment: " This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife! Well, how did I get here?" The girl, while very nice and obviously attractive, wasn't someone with whom I'd want to spend the rest of my life. The "house" was full of things which I didn't really need, and certainly wasn't prepared to own. The things in my dream, while seeming to be the things I most wanted, were worth nothing when I realized that they hadn't been "earned." By "earned," I mean that I wasn't in a fit state to receive them and use them properly to glorify God and to do His will. As much as I thought that having these things would have satisfied my desires, they only made me realize how wrong I'd been to want those things which weren't meant for me.
I've had plenty of blessings in my life, and what can probably be easily viewed by an observer as more than my share. I truly do feel as though God has been protecting me from harm, by removing obstacles in my path and providing escapes from spiritually (and sometimes even physically) perilous situations. Somewhere in Luke, it says that the person who has been given much will have a lot expected of him, which frightens me a little, as I know I've been given a lot. What I need to do, though, is remain steadfast in the knowledge that whatever I need will be given to me, and that anything which stands in my path to God's purpose for me will be dealt with.
UPDATE: I forgot to mention this, but I didn't feel like putting it in a new post. I also decided that it would be nice, for just a few weeks, not to think about Girls (capitalized). Once I've settled into the semester, I'm sure I can manage to get back to being distracted again, but for at least a week or two, I don't even want to think about whether I'm interested in anyone or anyone is interested in me (yes, I know I'm flattering myself with the second part of that sentence, but stranger things have happened).