Monday, April 12, 2004


I just found out via email that a woman at the small house church I've started attending just passed away after a long illness. I only met her briefly, but I've talked with her husband and her son several times. I don't know what to think; I guess it's just kind of depressing. I simply haven't really had to deal with death very much in my life. My Fourth Grade and Eleventh Grade English teachers have both passed away, as have two of my grandparents (one had died before I was born). A girl in my Tenth Grade English class died on the operating table. A family friend, who repaired my French horn when it got damaged, also passed away about a year ago. However, that's just about it, unless you count our dog being euthanized a few years ago. In most cases, I was either too young to really understand or hadn't really been in contact with the person recently.

I guess I don't really know what to think. I have no idea what I'd do if one of my immediate family members or close friends passed away. I've known people who've had loved ones literally gunned down before their very eyes, and I know several people who've lost a parent or grandparent in the past year or two, often suddenly.

Part of me feels guilty. Compared to plenty of people I know, I've hardly lost anyone. I haven't suffered in other ways the same way people I know and have met have. My family's well-off in many regards. By telling myself that with all that I've been given, I'm going to have a lot to do, I assuage some of this guilt, even though it sometimes terrifies me to think how much I'll owe. It's not like I'm going to have to pay for my sins, thanks to Christ, but I want to do as much for God as I can out of love and obedience. And, every time I fail, it just makes me think about how much I must owe. I'm trying to fight that thought, but it's hard.

Prayers for Dan, the woman's husband, would be appreciated, and for her son Damon. Pray that they will understand that she's safe now, and that they can adapt to this new void in their lives. Please pray that they do not lose heart, but can look forward to the day when they're reunited.

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