Thursday, April 01, 2004
It has been brought to my attention that I don't have a girlfriend. Upon having my secretary search through my records, this has been confirmed. Meanwhile, I have at least three sets of friends who are currently engaged, and at least one who've recently tied the knot. Of course, my parents were nearly thirty before getting married, so I don't feel as though I'm way past my time (one of my great-grandparents, for instance, fought in the Franco-Prussian war around 1870). My parents seem to be getting nervous or something, as if I'm in danger of never getting married if I don't get cracking.
My problem is that I have some fairly inflexible standards. I hardly ever ask girls out on dates (which I differentiate from hanging out with girls as friends), and even more rarely ask them out again. Some of this is my shyness, but a lot is quite simply that I rarely meet girls I think would be a good long-term match (by which, I mean that I could conceivably see myself marrying them). Sometimes this is because they do things I couldn't tolerate in a spouse, such as getting drunk or cussing. However, it's usually nothing bad, but rather just a recognition that I don't think we'd do well in such a close relationship. The analytical part of me has observed some of the girls I know who I find attractive but not likely to be a good bet for marriage (mostly because of my own defects, and sometimes just because we'd reinforce each other's weaknesses rather than cancelling them out) and I've been learning a lot about what I'm actually looking for in a girl. Girls like JF, PN, RG, LR, EH, and SB* especially have helped me focus on those traits I find most attractive; I'd happily treat any and all of them like sisters (hopefully, I do), though none would be a good match, I don't think.
I'm not sure I believe that everyone has one (and only one) "Mr/Miss Right" out there, but I do think these things shouldn't be rushed. I'm so very grateful to the Christian women I know, who've shown me simply by the way they live different aspects of how I hope the person I marry** will be. Yes, this has been rambling, but at least until further notice, I stand by what I've said.
*This is not a complete list.
**If God wants me to remain single, of course, then His will trumps mine.