Tuesday, October 22, 2002

Imbeciles and the Sniper

1. Despite people being offended by calling this killer a sniper, that's what he is. He shoots people from a concealed place. Thus, he is a sniper.
2. Are DC Metro area authorities stupid? The victims have been shot at places like gas stations and outside restaurants and stores. Do you know what happens when you cancel football games and other extracurricular activities? Kids to to gas stations, restaurants, and stores. To the best of my knowledge, the sniper hasn't fired into any crowds yet. Carry on with life as usual as much as possible. Your chances of getting shot are minimal, and living in fear is no way to live. You probably stand a better chance of dying in a car crash than getting shot by this guy, but I'll be you still drive, don't you?
3. Media: Shut up except when necessary. "News Flash: We still don't know what's going on, but we're all freaking terrified. This sniper is obviously well-trained, intelligent, and disciplined. We are in awe. There is no other news. Forget Iraq. This lone gunman scares us more than nuclear-armed terrorists." Here's what I would do if I was in charge of the media: "News Flash: Some nutcase is shooting people. However, police experts say the shots have all been sloppy and that it's only piss-poor luck that he's hitting his mark. No one has reported their crazy neighbor or relative missing, so we're assuming that this man is a friendless loser. Police also speculate that he may be suffering from sexual dysfunction, as packages of Xtra-Tinee condoms have been found several scenes. While people are generally annoyed by this disturbance, it's nothing compared to Lee Harvey Oswald, who scored headshots from a building with an old Italian rifle. This current copycat is only managing bodyshots with a nice rifle from heavy cover. Sissy."
4. Dear Sniper: I am Under-impressed.
Tres appropos, n'est-ce pas?

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