Saturday, September 21, 2002

An Open Letter to Kroger

Dear Sirs and Mesdames,

I have written to inform you that there is a problem in your Blacksburg stores. You see, Blacksburg is the home of Virginia Polytechnic Institute & State University, more commonly known as Virginia Tech. The Virginia Tech Hokies have a great (if recently one-sided) rivalry with the University of Virginia Cavaliers (often known as Wahoos), and prior to games, many Hokies stop by their local Kroger stores to pick up some snacks. It was on this mission recently that I encountered the thing that made me decide to write to you. Whilst in the "chips and other unhealthy foods" aisle, next to the Pringles, was a full display of General Mills' Wahoos snack food. Nary a one had been sold. Quick reconnaissance at your other store in town and at one of your competitors (which I'll simply call "Lewd Ryan") established that Wahoos are not a top seller in the Blacksburg market. I would encourage you to ship these snacks to your Charlottesville-area stores, and to replace them with something better-selling, like more Red Bull.

Thank you for your time,
Robert Bauer

UPDATE: Brian, a friend from oova, informs me that "[t]hose things are nasty."

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