Friday, July 19, 2002

FCUK YOU ALL

I'd like to talk about fashion for a moment. FCUK fashion. It's all over the place here. It was vaguely funny the first time, and even vestigially cute the second. Alas, even the presence of Helen of Troy herself in a skimpy French Connection UK shirt these days would be annoying. Maybe it's because I don't like the French, but I never really was big into this whole "FCUK" thing. In about a month, I predict that not a single person will be wearing them except for those poor, behind-the-times saps, whilst everyone else will be embarassed about it all and never bring it up in polite company.

This all brings me extremely tangentally to another point: fashion in Britain reminds me an awful lot of fashion in 1980s America. I know they're supposed to be the trendsetters and all, but weren't tight-ish jeans, jean jackets, tight low-quality t-shirts, pink shirts, zip-up sweatshirts, and indoor soccer shoes already done? Of course, they could just be getting prematurely retro on us, and in five years we'll all wear retro-80s clothes. I somehow doubt it, though. More likely, I see a phase of Brits wearing massive BOSS jeans, FUBU jackets, and clocks around their necks, along with a period of ratty plaid overshirts and torn jeans. Then those on the Scepter'd Isle who haven't already pierced every square inch of their body will do so, don trenchcoats, wear black lipstick, and get depressed a lot. I would say that they'd whiten their faces, but if they got any paler, we might just have some sort of core overload and create a Mutant Super-race of Vampiric Cricketeers who would slowly, methodically, and in the most difficult way possible, take over the world. Again, I for one will welcome our new insect overlords. Alternatively, the universe could quite simply collapse, leaving God in a pretty embarassing position. Whichever.

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